My Head Hurts! I Still Watched Episode 3 of The L Word 🍇
"Sweet little figs."
This recap is 2 days late because I had a big honkin’ migraine and I could not endure more suffering. I’m better now—strong enough to watch episode 3, which is entitled “Let’s Do It.“ If you like these recaps (episode 1 and episode 2) and want to support the work, be sure to subscribe :)
Alice is meeting with her editor at L.A. Magazine. She wants to write a piece about The Chart, her creepy surveillance website. The editor isn’t into it, so Alice links herself to his bisexual ex-girlfriend. The editor is like, “nope, absolutely not.” Alice decides to write about “vaginal rejuvenation” instead. I Googled “vaginal rejuvenation” and it refers to everything from clitoral hood reductions to prosthetic hymens. The way it’s discussed in this episode sounds like an injection that tightens the vagina? Readers, I clenched!!
The receptionist at the vagina clinic turns out to be Alice’s terrible ex-girlfriend, Gabby Deveaux (played by Guinevere Turner, who always brings the unhinged lesbian energy and also stars in such important 90s lesbian films as Go Fish and The Watermelon Woman). Gabby asks Alice for another chance. Alice says no, but you can tell she’s flattered and still into Gabby. It’s ironic that she’s encountering The Chart while writing a totally different article.
Dana is playing a lot of tennis. It’s a good thing her character arc is about healing from internalized homophobia and doormat tendencies because her manager is super creepy. He comes into the locker room while she’s changing and touches her in uncomfortable ways. He tells her that Subaru wants to sponsor her and use her in an ad campaign. Dana is psyched, of course. Wait, what’s that stereotype about lesbians and Subarus?
Next, Dana is eating in the country club restaurant when a plate of vegetables and dip arrives at her table. It’s from Lara, a sous chef. Dana is immediately smitten, but unsure if Lara is into her or just a fan. Dana enlists the help of Alice, Shane, Bette, and Tina. They go to the country club on a recon mission. Shane puts the moves on Lara by asking for “sweet little figs.“ Bette and Tina make out, but Lara doesn’t seem to notice.
Bette and Tina are like, “There’s no way Lara is gay, she wasn’t even into Shane.“ Please, Shane is 23. If a 23-year-old hit on me, I would say NO THANK YOU. Come back when you’ve lived a little.
Tina and Bette try to conceive using Marcus’s sperm. They don’t really talk about the conflict of last episode. Tina’s like, “I don’t know why I was being so weird about using sperm from a Black man“ and tries to say more, but Bette covers her mouth?!
Meanwhile, Shane is getting stalked by Lacey, a woman she hooked up with once and never called. Lacey launches an entire smear campaign against Shane—she follows her around and yells at her in The Planet. She seizes the mic at an open mic night and shines a literal spotlight on Shane. Cancel culture in 2004 was so analog.
Jenny is writing again. The L Word visualizes her shitty short fiction with weird, artsy montages of a funeral and a body getting washed up on shore. These scenes are unbearable and they just keep coming for the entire series, cumulating with the Lez Girls movie.
Marina leaves her a voicemail that’s just like, “I am thinking about you.” Jenny replays it over and over again.
Marina gives Tim free coffee. What’s her deal? Why is she leaving such breathy voicemails on a shared answering machine? Tim invites her to the dinner party he and Jenny are hosting later that night.
Marina shows up with a large bouquet of Birds of Paradise, the horniest flower. Bette and Tina are also in attendance. Jenny and Tim announce their ENGAGEMENT and all the lesbian are like, yikkeeeess. At one point, Bette walks into the kitchen and finds Jenny and Marina staring at each other longingly. Bette confronts Marina because she’s obsessed with monogamy and being up in everyone’s business. Marina is like, “fuck off.” Bette is not used to getting told off because it contradicts her self-image as an all-powerful art lesbian, so she forces Tina to make up an excuse so they can leave early. Tim is blissfully unaware. He serves everyone chili lol.
Next, Dana gets some action when Lara kisses her in the locker room. Finally!! I am sighing with relief… until next episode….
Other Stuff That Came Up for Me:
It’s so cute when Tina is in bed after getting inseminated and everyone comes over and to vibe :’)
A lot of millennial lesbians describe this show as instructive, or like a manual that gave them cues on how to be a lesbian. I feel like this is one of those episodes. A lot of the dialogue is about how to spot a lesbian. It’s also heavily about spit chains and dyke drama.
here is a timeline of the OG show and Gen Q
I first watched The L Word in 2010 or 2011. I checked out DVDs from the freakin’ library. How did you first watch The L Word? Did you see it as it aired on Showtime or year later, when it was on Netflix? How did you hear about it? Leave a comment below. I’m always really interested in queer people’s origins with this show.