I have only written one Yelp review in my life and it was for something egregious. I worked really hard on my review, but Yelp refused to post it because it was my first one and my account was sus. So stupid!! I am a real person who bought a car at Volkswagen of Gainesville and did not receive a title. Anyways, I wanted to write more internet reviews because I’m a fan of the form and I’m always spending money and time on stuff and forming opinions. This is the first installment. More to come. xo, Maddy
I sent one email today and it was terrible. I used to enjoy lying in bed and sorting through my inbox. Email was my transitional activity of choice. These days I hate checking my email. I don’t want to respond to anyone, yet I am frustrated when no one responds to me. What is up with marketing emails? It’s not enough to unsubscribe these days, you have to actually block Ann Taylor. I give email 2/10 stars.
Fire Island
I love to be immersed in a story and world that’s not my own so yes, I had fun watching Fire Island!! Loved when Tomas Matos said “see you tomorrow, girl“ to the setting sun. I do feel like it suffers from first draft syndrome i.e. certain aspects of the story felt overexplained (so many voiceovers), while others felt half-baked (the relationship between Howie and Charlie). Definitely a highlight of my summer screen time. I give Fire Island 7/10 stars.
Must Love Dogs
I rented this the other night and watched it with my girlfriend. She thought we were watching The Truth About Cats and Dogs—a far superior rom com starring Janeane Garofalo. I wanted to watch because I quote the title all the time (I love dogs), but I haven’t seen it since middle school. This movie is a real stinker. Diane Lane and John Cusack are the heterosexual leads. Dermot Mulroney plays the rascal who gets between them. There’s just too much going on!! Diane Lane’s character has been divorced for 8 months without dating anyone new. Everyone in the movie acts like this is totally insane. John Cusack plays an eccentric boat craftsmen who watches Doctor Zhivago multiple times a day and nothing he says makes sense.
I did really like how this movie depicts early dating websites (voice messages! themed animations!). It came out in 2005, when presumably not everyone knew what a website looked like?? Idk. I give Must Love Dogs a joyless 1/10 stars.
Magnesium Glycinate
I take 3-4 of these babies before bed. I wake up feeling rested. My neck and shoulders are loose. I remember my dreams. I am incorporating more color into my wardrobe. I give magnesium glycinate 7/10 stars.
Myofascial Release
Myofascial Release is a kind of massage that gets in there and unsticks sore, tense fascia. I found out about it after I did something to my hip last week and needed expeditious bodywork within walking distance. I would describe the therapist I saw as “woozy from a nap.” He barely said anything, he just went to work. The room was hot and the sheets were deeply polyester and sticking to my body. It felt like a normal massage with some mild stretches. The massage place was inside a terrible mall. I hung out in Marshalls afterwards and talked to my mom on the phone. I felt loose and a little nauseated.
Later I went on Reddit and learned there is kind of a cult surrounding myofascial release and its inventor. I almost bought a $15 tiger shirt, but then I clicked around the rest of the website and it does indeed look sus. I give myofascial release massage 5/10 stars.
Those are all the opinions I care to share for now. Did this provoke any thoughts or feelings? Am I wrong about Must Love Dogs? Leave a comment and let me know.
This is so good. I could read 100s of these. You are a fabulous writer!
Love love love your work! Reading this on the train home from work in the very cold winterry Southern hemisphere.