Real Housewives Recap: Bun in the Oven
"Close your eyes and speak to God in your own language!"
The wives have split into two warring factions: pro-Jessel and anti-Jessel. To be honest, this episode is super boring and it took all my juice to stitch together an interesting recap. I understand why this new cast has been really polarizing for longtime RHONY fans—some like Jenna Lyons and how low key it is, while others find it boring. My discontent lies in the disconnect between the main body of the show and any scene that’s just JL and one other person — in those scenes, the world makes sense, and Jenna and whoever else have a totally interesting, watchable conversation. In the rest of the show, the other wives just scream at each other about totally minor, invented disagreements. I know that this is the way of RHONY and reality TV, but every minute just feels so forced and repetitious. The seams are showing here and I’m bored.
Anyways!! This episode is called “A Night at Swingers“ and it opens with Sai calling Erin and going in on Jessel—specifically how Jessel initiated lunch, showed up 41 minutes late, and then compared her experience of having an alcoholic uncle to Sai having an alcoholic mom when everyone knows alcoholic mom > alcoholic uncle (if you are someone with an alcoholic mom and an alcoholic uncle, you may be entitled to financial compensation from Sai). We also learn that Sai’s mom died within the past few years, not a long time ago as I’d previously assumed.
At lunch, Jessel also shared that she and Pavit finally had sex. She said that she needed “25 minutes to warm up,“ which I assume means touching and kissing before penetration. This is also known as…having sex. For some reason, Sai and Erin seize on this like it’s some freakish, shameful thing. Sai is like, “Why does she need to warm up? Is she an oven?“ I literally cannot believe this a conversation between two sex-having adults. It reminds me so much of middle school, when you and your friends would just decide you didn’t like another girl and then just pick them apart for the smallest, stupidest things. It wasn’t fun then and it’s not fun now
Meanwhile, Jessel is hanging out with distressed denim queen, Jenna Lyons. Jessel has a totally different version of events than Sai. She tells JL that she was only 15 minutes late and that Sai was really callous about her uncle. JL observes that Jessel is looking for validation from the one person who isn’t going to give it to her. She shares some older, wiser lesbian wisdom: “Oftentimes people want from someone who won’t give. The person who won’t give you what you want is the person you go after the most.“ Then she gently puts forth that a mom is different from an uncle, which seems true in this specific instance. I agree that the way Jessel brought her uncle into her personal narrative does feel forced. It’s clear than both she and Sai view adversity as social capital, but Sai is more self-aware and knows to pretend it’s not.
I used to think that reality TV made everyone look terrible, but JL just comes across as so normal and likable. At the same time, she’s not totally above the fray— she makes snide comments about the other wives and joins in on the drama, but she’s never mean. She should go into consulting and help other reality TV hopefuls craft a positive, quirky image for themselves—maybe she could help everyone going on season 2 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love.
Back in Sai and Erin’s shittalk saloon, Sai spills that Pavit is flying all the way to Vietnam for 24-hours to “wrap up his points.” I don’t know anything about airline miles and credit card points at an elite level, but the way that Erin obviously thinks that Vietnam is synonymous with sex workers is very gross and racist here. Erin is also heavily implying that he’s doing something very wrong and illicit, which makes me think of child exploitation? Which is so fucked up? It just seems that because Sai and Erin are not actually naming what he’s doing (i.e. preserving/boosting his airline or credit card status level, presumably), Vietnam is cast in their conversation as this really seedy place. Also, there are ample sex workers in New York, which would be so much easier to conceal from his wife. Abe enters the chat and agrees with Pavit (in absentia) that he would do anything for 36 hours of peace and quiet.
Next, we drop in on Ubah and her hot sauce business, Ubah Hot. She’s meeting with a vegan chef to collaborate on a chicken sandwich. Ubah says that when she models, she’s just a canvas for other people’s ideas. Her eponymous hot sauce company allows her to make business decisions and design sandwiches—i.e. watch while the chef assembles a spicy chicken sandwich on a pretzel bun topped with cucumber salad. I know exactly what this sandwich tastes like. Ubah goes on a long monologue about how orgasmic the pretzel bun is. It’s weird!!!
Next, JL tries on expensive eyewear with her son. She drops a sad truth about how she felt disliked by her own mother growing up, so having a loving relationship with her son feels like a do-over :’)
Erin plans a couple’s night at Swingers, a mini-golf course for adults. It’s funny that it’s called Swingers because that’s what she and Abe want to be someday, but only if it’s not gay (especially for Abe). I’m not sure why Erin is billing this as a couples night when Ubah is going to be there. I guess the other single wives are absent (JL is in Scotland and Brynn is out with Covid). Sai is the first to arrive. She seems pissed and defensive. She tells Erin that she ate beforehand—dredging up old drama about how Erin never serves enough food. Ubah is running late, so it’s a triple date with Erin, Sai, and Jessel and their respective husbands.
Unsurprisingly, Sai and Erin starts talking shit about Jessel’s sexless marriage and Pavit’s upcoming trip to Vietnam. They clarify that unlike Jessel, they loooove sex and need to have it allll the time. Erin says that she’s “good for a few days” because she gave her husband a BJ that morning. He laughingly implies that in return, he went down on her. These two are DISGUSTING. Also, can we talk about Sai’s husband? He’s an ogre. At one point, Abe asks him why he’s not eating and he’s like, “WHAT ARE YOU?? MY WIFE? GET OFF MY DICK!!” I’m kind of surprised the producers didn’t feature him more; he’s acting so unhinged.
The husbands bid farewell to their wives and go play mini-golf. They joke that Pavit should play the blue ball and make all kinds of insinuations about Vietnam. Pavit simply does not engage. I feel like he’s just totally clueless.
In a previous episode, he explained that flying first class international is actually comfortable and comes with caviar. Personally my broke, 5’11 ass cannot comprehend being comfortable on a plane, but I Googled and it looks like you get to sit in a little pod with snacks and blankets. It sounds very restful and I can understand how a man with toddler twins and a successful e-commerce website would want that experience for himself.
Meanwhile, Sai and Jessel start fighting again—Sai accuses Jessel of talking in circles and lying about the dates of Pavit’s Vietnam trip (???) J is like, “I’m literally a publicist“ and explains that Pavit’s ticket doesn’t have a set date, but he does have to use it by a certain date. Again, this sounds normal!! Why is Sai so obsessed with Pavit?
The husbands return to the booth. Ubah asks them how they knew their wives were the one. Abe says that he married Erin because he knew she wouldn’t allow him to settle for a boring life. Erin literally cannot conceive of sex lasting for 25 minutes, but okay. Sai’s husband says that his wife is the most honest woman he’s ever met. “ I’m sorry, but it’s a HUGE red flag for me when someone is described as “honest”!! And finally, Pavit says that he loves Jessel because together they can do whatever and have a good time. Erin and Sai immediately seize on this and misinterpret it as Pavit saying that he can do whatever he wants and Jessel won’t care. In a confessional, Erin even implies that there’s something shady about their marriage. I think she’s saying that it’s an open marriage, which is not that exciting.
Ubah takes Sai aside and show her photos on her phone. She says that she’s secretly dating a man and that his house has ten bedrooms. Obviously this is setting up drama because Sai is going to tell everyone, but the emphasis on ten bedrooms is so funny to me. How many iPads does he own?
Finally, Brynn, JL, Jessel and Mr. Jessel gather at the Jessel house. They discuss the discord between the wives. Pavit calls Sai bipolar and all the wives shut him down for being too mean and possibly too ableist? JL advises Jessel to just move on, but Brynn encourages her to confront Sai and tell her to fuck off. Brynn is stirring the pot because she feels like Erin and Sai are “poking holes“ in Jessel’s marriage and ”the only things you should poke holes in are condoms with rich men.” Oh my God. Oh my God??
Miscellaneous Wife Thoughts:
If I were on a reality TV franchise that showcased my wealth and luxurious lifestyle, but part of my narrative is that my mom died totally destitute after collapsing in a park, I would absolutely be taking every possible opportunity to tell everyone that I tried to use my money to help her. Do you know what I’m saying? Obviously not everyone wants or benefits from treatment and we know so little about the story, but Sai is so critical of everyone’s narrative and it’s odd that she can’t turn that critical lens onto her own life.
This photoshoot Ubah is in?????????????
I think Ubah is so goofy and funny when it’s just her, but she seems to miss the mark in the ensemble. Like, she just does too much and it feels forced e.g. when she went into the restaurant kitchen and stole a can of coconut milk.
It looks like Ubah Hot sauces are only available as a $60 three pack on Amazon and at the time of me writing this, are all sold out.
Should I watch Ellen DeGeneres’s new gorilla rescue show?
this episode was definitely giving flop. really feels like it’s two (or more?) shows sometimes and erin and sai’s shtick is getting tired. i love jenna being general normal but then also having her friend/chef make a snack for jessels visit.
i have not watched the gorilla show but i did read drew gregory’s very high review of it - https://www.autostraddle.com/saving-the-gorillas-ellens-next-adventure/
Okay, I have been reading these recaps because I love and support you, but my ears perked up at the Ellen gorilla show thing.
As someone aspiring to be in animal care in a professional capacity and with friends in adjacent fields, I find the idea of yet another white woman going to Africa to "save" primates (possibly to rehabilitate her image) to be appalling. As reality TV, though... idk. I highly suggest you talk to some animal keeper gays from New England Zoo or something off-record to get a well-rounded idea if what the show is doing is actually ethical. My guess from the Autostraddle watch posted by Kira Deshler is a big no, lmao.