The Queer Ultimatum 2.0, Part 2
episodes 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 recaps
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Episode 3: We’re back at the queer high table and it’s time for lesbians to pair off into trial marriages. AJ, America’s most wanted dyke, chooses Marie and gives one of her signature, love bomb-y speeches—”No matter what, you’re gong to get 100 percent.” Across the table, Marita and Dayna are looking sour at this development. Marita interjects and addresses AJ: “You made so many promises to me. I wasted so many dates on you. Now I feel stupid.“ Bridget and Dayna reassure Marita that she was being authentic to herself, and her feelings are valid.
Marita’s whole thing is wanting romance but with AJ, she’s seeing first-hand how flowery words don’t necessarily translate into actual concern for her feelings and well-being. Maybe this will help her understand that true romance is like, a partner who says what they mean and doesn’t keep you guessing.
AJ is like, “Can I comment?“ and oh my God, the word “comment” is so annoying here. She shares that hurting Marita was never her intention. “I still feel things for you, I just feel more for someone else at this moment.” Everyone is making these faces:
Next, it’s Pilar’s turn. She’s narrowed her choice down to either Bridget or Kyle and ends up choosing Kyle. The reasoning: Kyle makes her laugh, they’re different, and she feels she’ll be challenged by Kyle’s identity as an Ultimatum Giver. Kyle responds that since Pilar has been in such a long relationship, she expects a deeper connection than her previous relationship. Bridget looks sad. Dang, this is not a good night for her!!
After Dayna and Britney both declare their affections for Mel, Mel chooses Dayna with the reasoning that she will be “a challenge.” Well, we all know Dayna is going to firebomb her food truck if she doesn’t fall in line. While this isn’t as explosive as the AJ conflict, it seems like there was a similar situation here of one person declaring very similar intentions to two different people and waiting to see how it all shakes out.
Marita and Britney end up together by process of elimination and both look nonplussed. Haley chooses Magan, as they’d agreed on ahead of time. Bridget and Ashley also choose each other (No surprises here either. Even though Ashley and Haley don’t actually look that similar, I was fighting for my life to differentiate them while taking notes.)
JSG passes around another tray of engagement rings, which she already did in episode one?? The trial wives all return to their condos to drape themselves in fuzzy blankets, process, and do product placement for an Instagram company that makes custom jigsaw puzzles.
Trial Marriages
AJ and Marie
AJ and Marie’s trial marriage begins with Marie saying that she didn’t relate to everyone’s anger towards AJ. She felt AJ’s word and actions were normal. Marie, just because you’ve had positive experiences with someone doesn’t invalidate other people’s experiences! There’s a real pattern emerging with Marie where she can’t see people’s actions objectively or admit that she’s been affected? It’s like she has to be the person who forgives/looks the other way/rises above. AJ seizes this chance to be like, it’s us against the world. I don’t like this!! Not one bit!!
Pilar and Kyle
My read of this trial marriage is Pilar wants out of her original relationship, but still depends on Haley for emotional support and identity. She needs a long period of single-dom to find herself and learn how to be alone. Instead, she’s on a reality dating show that rewards poor choices and is already looking to Kyle to fill the role of super-serious partner. My sense is that Kyle’s relationship with Bridget is totally fine and they came on this show for funsies—she might enjoy flirting with Pilar, but ultimately she doesn’t think of Pilar “like that.”
There’s a really interesting scene where Kyle jokes about losing her keys and Pilar is like, “I can’t imagine you losing things. You seem so put together!!” So clearly Pilar has been thinking a lot about Kyle, creating this whole fantasy of her that’s not grounded in fact. I have experienced this in my life--being put on a pedestal by someone I just started dating--and it’s really stressful. Obviously seeing someone through rose colored glasses is part of having a crush, but keeping your expectations low and actually getting to know someone before projecting onto them is something you glean from dating a lot. This is a reminder that Pilar is pretty new to the dating game and might not have the skills to be on this show.
Ashley and Bridget
In a heart-to-heart in their new living room, Bridget says she feels weird about pushing Kyle and Pilar together. Ashley says that Marita has tunnel vision when it comes to love and is not surprised that she got hurt by AJ. Big friendship energy from these two!!
Haley and Magan
Magan says this is the best she’s felt since coming to Florida—probably because you’re away from your toxic girlfriend, baby!! I do really want the world for Magan :’) I can already see something developing between her and Haley, if only because they’re both starved for reciprocity and levity in their original relationships. They discuss having sex for the sake of the trial marriage. It’s very serious and presumes this is, like, a sacred duty that will prove they’ve fully committed to the process of understanding themselves/relationships better. Just fuck , you two!!
Dayna and Mel
These two are so horny for each other, but at any second they could become enemies.
Marita and Britney
By elimination, Britney and Marita end up together. They’re both super unexcited and there is some awkwardness re: AJ. Britney says she’s mentally preparing to leave the show alone and also to bring some Zaddy energy to the romance-obsessed Marita, but it’s obvious that her heart isn’t in this.
Episode 4: It’s the first week of trial marriages! In season one, it felt like the couples were imprisoned in their hotel rooms. It wasn’t clear what they were doing all day. Now we see everyone working, taking care of their pets, hanging out at the pool, and living actual lives. We learn all that Marita is afraid to touch uncooked chicken, AJ wants to name her first child Jewel, and Marie has a large, unexplained scratch on her boob. Ashley confides in Bridget about an abusive relationship she used to be in and yay, so happy we’re talking about domestic abuse in queer relationships. Also Ashley’s accent is so endearing.