I’m not good at Valentine’s Day. I put it off and put it off, or else something big and unexpected diverts all my attention. Last year, on Valentine’s Day Eve, my dog, Louis, ate a bottle of vitamin D pills and had to go to the emergency vet. The two Valentine’s Days before that, Liz and I were in our LDR era. We were talking about celebrating this Valentine’s Day with a road trip to the Shaker Museum, but now Louis needs surgery (nobody knows what’s wrong with him, but it’s likely that the metal implant in his knee from his last surgery is coated in infection and needs to be removed). So now we’ll have to stay closer to home and do something free—maybe watch True Detective, take a drive to the gas station that sells ice cream, anywhere is better…
In the spirit of the season, I thought it would be fun to do Valentine’s Gift Guide. I asked Liz what she would include and she said, LOVE and SPENDING TIME TOGETHER. So there’s that, but you can also buy things.
art: For the Valentine who loves color and filling their home with art, prints from Philly-based artist and illustrator, Kah Yangni.
couples astrology reading: A couples astrology reading is the gayest possible way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You and your Valentine will learn so much about each other and your relationship—like couples therapy, but fun. One of the only reasons I survived my Saturn Return was because Rose, my favorite astrologer and New Mexico-based lesbian, is so good at explaining complicated astrology concepts, and walked me through all my upcoming transits and tribulations. You can read more about what it’s like to work with Rose on her testimonials page and when you’re ready, book with the code SWEETHEARTS for $75 off your couple’s reading. If you’re just looking to focus on YOU this Valentine’s Day, Rose is also running a BOGO sale on individual readings. So mote it be 💕
newsletter or podcast subscription: It’s scary to be a working class right now. Publications and media outlets are shuttering left and right. $8,000 is considered high for a book advance. Social media algorithms are increasingly geared towards full-time influencers and advertisers. Increasingly, the only way to make a living is to build your own audience and sell subscriptions. So in the spirit of supporting the art that brings you joy, buy your Valentine a subscription to their favorite podcast, newsletter, or artist. Some suggestions would be this newsletter, the one you’re reading right now (I work so hard!) and also:
Beverly Glenn-Copeland: Beverly Glenn-Copeland is a visionary Black, trans singer-songwriter whose work and contributions to music are only now being recognized in his 80s. Beverly has been having some health problems lately and the money from this Patreon allows him to employ a home health aide. In return, he posts new music and wholesome life updates.
Gender Reveal: a podcast that consists of super thoughtful, well-researched interviews with trans artists, writers, and activists. The host, Tuck Woodstock, is a total powerhouse when it comes to redistributing funds and Gender Reveal runs its own grant and mutual aid programs to materially support trans people. Money well spent!!!!
small bowls: So often when you buy a cute, food-related item, it’s something you never end up using--I’m thinking about the time I bought a cocktail shaker and espresso cups for my college dorm room. This is not the case with small bowls. I use them for everything: dips and salsa, ice cream, nut mix. If I need to transport 4-5 Girl Scout cookies and some chips upstairs to my desk, or I’m having friends over for a casual hard-shell taco bar, you better believe I’m reaching for my stack of small bowls. Rice bowls, pinch pots, ring dishes, etc—I don’t care, I need them and am actively looking for more. Your Valentine will love some little bowls, whether cute ones readily available from your local ceramist, charming thrift store finds, or even these tiny little Pyrex bowls with lids.
stove-top griddle: What do you get for the butch who’s really, really particular about everything they buy, especially clothes and tools? A stove-top griddle, of course. This is basically a big sheet of metal (nice option, deluxe edition) that will allow them to be a short-order cook in the comfort of their own home. Perfect for frying up some heart-shaped steaks or pancakes to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Essential for taco night.
toasted sub from a weed-themed sub shop: This is just an excuse for me to talk about Cheba Hut, a weed-themed sandwich shop that I used to go to all the time when I was like 26 and in school at UW-Madison. All the subs are named after strains of weed i.e. the Northern Lights is a roast-beef and turkey club. And like Starbucks, they have their own words for small, medium,large: nug, pinner, joint. Drinks are called “cotton mouth cures.“ The inside is painted multiple shades of green and there are paintings of palm trees and VW Microbuses on the walls. The whole vibe is achingly sincere and reminiscent of a time when weed was still the purview of Deadheads and slackliners, instead of something that Target would sell if they could.
Do you know about Cheba Hut? I have never met another person who has heard of Cheba Hut, let alone eaten there. At Madison, I was always telling my friends and classmates about it, even though it was literally across the street from the part of campus where all our classes were. If the vibes weren’t so specific, I would think that I dreamt it. So I am once again asking, have you been to Cheba Hut? According to Chebahut.com there are OVER THIRTY locations across the United States!!!!! Franchising opportunities are available!!! Also the first location opened in 1998 near the University of Arizona, so I feel like it’s one of those chains that prioritize locations around big state schools like Graduate Hotels and Noodles & Company.
Anyways if you take your date to Cheba Hut this Valentine’s Day, don’t blame me if you get laid.
other ideas: In my Etsy browsing, I came across this very mysterious and affordable offering from not one, not two, but three witches. Also this beautiful, life-sized sardine patch for the girlfriend who loves tinned fish and savory flavors.
I think any Valentine would welcome love letters, flowers, beeswax candles, or a perpetual calendar (these are more of a thing in Europe, but basically just a calendar where you only record birthdays, anniversaries, and annual dates you want to remember. Perfect if your Valentine, like me, deleted Facebook and is always complaining she doesn’t know when anyone’s birthday is. This whale and ocean-themed one is cute.)
For Valentine cards, stickers, and other small-batch paper products, check out Wing on Wo & Co and The Shop at MBAC.
It’s always hot to buy someone books or a gift certificate from an independent, co-operatively owned bookstore like Heartleaf Books in Providence, RI.
Or maybe your Valentine is a pet Louis (7) and Weezy (13) have been responding positively to collagen II supplements, which I started because my vet told me they’re good for joint health and paw traction. I’m also very into these novelty pet tags, especially the disco ball and roast turkey.
And that’s it for now. If you have any ideas or you’re planning something incredible for the friends and lovers in your life, let me know in the comments. Keep honking! I’m eating your girl’s pasta fagiole!
I was dumped by an unethical poly amorous man in a Cheba Hut in Eugene Oregon. He told me we should "cool it" until he figured out his romantic relationship with his new roommate. This is the only time I wish I had made a scene at a restaurant. I have been thinking about this situation a lot lately...so it's funny you bring this franchise up!
Cheba Hut is inexplicably one of the best places to eat near campus. I am unsure if another restaurant with the same Corny:Actually Good ratio exists.