is it just me? is it a little much to be 39 marrying a 23yo? did they start dating at 37 and 21 or something, which—is I guess legal—but is this not something that's going to factor into the dynamic? —or did I misread this?
Also it was not addressed that she doesn’t like the sex, presumably because this person is bad at sex, because they haven’t had much. That is a big hurdle to get over, being someone’s only sexual partner ever.
Ty for the friend ghosting advice. I buzzed my hair like the week before I sent in this question!!! Makes sense. And tbh writing to you made me feel 50-75% less obsessive about thinking about this situation. I think I needed someone to tell me it was over.
I think the advice to Bedraggled Crone is great, but there's something the letter writer shared that didn't really get addressed, and that's that her level of satisfaction with sex *throughout the relationship* sounds like it was not huge. That she's not stoked about her wife's pillow princess tendencies. Since wife was inexperienced before the marriage, it seems likely to me she feels not confident enough to try other sexual forms besides getting fucked, and I think exploring new forms together is going to be key for this couple!! -- signed, a pillow princess with range :)
I’m a person who is very sensitive to loud noises and I’ve had to ask many people to speak more quietly around me— including people I love very much— it’s tricky but Maddy is right!! My best approach is to make it about you— and to bring it up in the moment of yelling, but not when there’s any other conflict happening. Maybe people are insulted when I say “I’m so sorry, I have sensitive hearing, can you use a quieter speaking voice” but they are always quieter after!
This is great advice! I've encountered some people who genuinely don't know their speaking voice is incredibly loud, but I think framing it as "I have a need" rather than "your speaking voice is wrong" is a great way to address the issue without making them feel put on the spot or (too) embarrassed.
As a loud talker, I've been told to keep it down sometimes and I really don't mind! It has made me more mindful and when it's said kindly and gently I don't think there's any room for offense.
I feel for the person with the loud book club attendee. I didn't realise how triggering loud voices were for me until my wife brought a friend home from work and her voice was so loud it almost gave me a panic attack. I told her she can never come back to our house, it was too much. Im sure there was no bad intention there, but she was too much.
ty for the mookie content, i always want to hear about dogs!! my coworker recently fostered a pregnant pitbull mix and then she had her 12 puppies at her house and they fostered them while nursing for 6 weeks before sending them off in pairs for individual fosters - a source of constant delight on my end seeing the photos but cannot imagine actually doing that lol.
is it just me? is it a little much to be 39 marrying a 23yo? did they start dating at 37 and 21 or something, which—is I guess legal—but is this not something that's going to factor into the dynamic? —or did I misread this?
I had the same exact thought!!! A very strange but perfectly legal age gap.
Also it was not addressed that she doesn’t like the sex, presumably because this person is bad at sex, because they haven’t had much. That is a big hurdle to get over, being someone’s only sexual partner ever.
Ty for the friend ghosting advice. I buzzed my hair like the week before I sent in this question!!! Makes sense. And tbh writing to you made me feel 50-75% less obsessive about thinking about this situation. I think I needed someone to tell me it was over.
I think the advice to Bedraggled Crone is great, but there's something the letter writer shared that didn't really get addressed, and that's that her level of satisfaction with sex *throughout the relationship* sounds like it was not huge. That she's not stoked about her wife's pillow princess tendencies. Since wife was inexperienced before the marriage, it seems likely to me she feels not confident enough to try other sexual forms besides getting fucked, and I think exploring new forms together is going to be key for this couple!! -- signed, a pillow princess with range :)
I’m a person who is very sensitive to loud noises and I’ve had to ask many people to speak more quietly around me— including people I love very much— it’s tricky but Maddy is right!! My best approach is to make it about you— and to bring it up in the moment of yelling, but not when there’s any other conflict happening. Maybe people are insulted when I say “I’m so sorry, I have sensitive hearing, can you use a quieter speaking voice” but they are always quieter after!
This is great advice! I've encountered some people who genuinely don't know their speaking voice is incredibly loud, but I think framing it as "I have a need" rather than "your speaking voice is wrong" is a great way to address the issue without making them feel put on the spot or (too) embarrassed.
As a loud talker, I've been told to keep it down sometimes and I really don't mind! It has made me more mindful and when it's said kindly and gently I don't think there's any room for offense.
I feel for the person with the loud book club attendee. I didn't realise how triggering loud voices were for me until my wife brought a friend home from work and her voice was so loud it almost gave me a panic attack. I told her she can never come back to our house, it was too much. Im sure there was no bad intention there, but she was too much.
ty for the mookie content, i always want to hear about dogs!! my coworker recently fostered a pregnant pitbull mix and then she had her 12 puppies at her house and they fostered them while nursing for 6 weeks before sending them off in pairs for individual fosters - a source of constant delight on my end seeing the photos but cannot imagine actually doing that lol.