& Maddie I love your insights & advice for this person!
I came here to say that I turn 37 in 8 days I feel like these last few years are the first time in my life that I have really given myself the fullest permission to let my queer little freak flag fly! It took me a long time to reconcile why I couldn’t just “make it work” in a relationship with a cis-man!?
It takes a long time to liberate ourselves from the false beliefs about queer people & relationships that the world thrusts upon us.
Even though in hindsight I had my first girlfriend at 15 & always knew on some level that I needed to allow myself to be queer…
I feel like I want to mention -purity culture- (see @ericasmith.sex.ed on IG for lots of queer sex related info!) & how much it can impact our psyches when it comes to JUST WANTING TO HAVING SOME COOL CONSENSUAL SAFE SEX!!!!
I just really really realllly want you to give yourself permission to have sex with some cuties that will be kind & communicative with you…without immediately trying to UHaul with each & every one of them!
But I also agree with Maddie about focusing on finding queer friends & community in your area or online. Connecting with queer parents. Figuring out what pants you as a queer person want to wear, etc! ☺️ have some fun with your new found freedom & identity! IMHO identity should be played with & be fun to explore!
I would be happy to be a queer friend of yours & discuss further all the things about being gay & freaky & horny in your late 30’s!
my email is missabbegale@gmail.com if you see this & want to be friends email me & we can go from there!
Sending you all the love & I trust that you’ll continue to find your merry queer way! 🌈
All great feedback, as usual. One less fun thing that LDRs in your late thirties are also good at doing—especially if you're in different countries—is obscuring red flags that you would notice in person because you're on the dopamine adventure countdown until you see each other next and both on your best behavior when you do see one another. It's a lot easier to appear together in your thirties than it is in your twenties and by the time you notice some things that may be pretty important, you've invested a lot of time and it can seem like there are fewer relationship possibilities. Despite the part where society tells women that turning 40 means turning to unfuckable dust, it's actually possible to find someone who likes sex, shares your important values, and lives within a time zone of you later in life!
yes, SO MUCH easier to look like you have your shit together in your 30s. the scarcity in this letter is something I wanted to contest because it's so endemic to all first queer relationships no matter how old you are, but you're right that societal messaging that women over 40 are "unfuckable dust" really ups the stakes.
Yearning, I definitely recommend the subreddit for late bloomer lesbians if you haven't seen it yet. it's r/latebloomerlesbians and I think it could give you some insight into others similar experiences
Guhhhh this was such a juicy read!
& Maddie I love your insights & advice for this person!
I came here to say that I turn 37 in 8 days I feel like these last few years are the first time in my life that I have really given myself the fullest permission to let my queer little freak flag fly! It took me a long time to reconcile why I couldn’t just “make it work” in a relationship with a cis-man!?
It takes a long time to liberate ourselves from the false beliefs about queer people & relationships that the world thrusts upon us.
Even though in hindsight I had my first girlfriend at 15 & always knew on some level that I needed to allow myself to be queer…
I feel like I want to mention -purity culture- (see @ericasmith.sex.ed on IG for lots of queer sex related info!) & how much it can impact our psyches when it comes to JUST WANTING TO HAVING SOME COOL CONSENSUAL SAFE SEX!!!!
I just really really realllly want you to give yourself permission to have sex with some cuties that will be kind & communicative with you…without immediately trying to UHaul with each & every one of them!
But I also agree with Maddie about focusing on finding queer friends & community in your area or online. Connecting with queer parents. Figuring out what pants you as a queer person want to wear, etc! ☺️ have some fun with your new found freedom & identity! IMHO identity should be played with & be fun to explore!
I would be happy to be a queer friend of yours & discuss further all the things about being gay & freaky & horny in your late 30’s!
my email is missabbegale@gmail.com if you see this & want to be friends email me & we can go from there!
Sending you all the love & I trust that you’ll continue to find your merry queer way! 🌈
ty so much for this comment. I hope the LW reaches out!! <3
All great feedback, as usual. One less fun thing that LDRs in your late thirties are also good at doing—especially if you're in different countries—is obscuring red flags that you would notice in person because you're on the dopamine adventure countdown until you see each other next and both on your best behavior when you do see one another. It's a lot easier to appear together in your thirties than it is in your twenties and by the time you notice some things that may be pretty important, you've invested a lot of time and it can seem like there are fewer relationship possibilities. Despite the part where society tells women that turning 40 means turning to unfuckable dust, it's actually possible to find someone who likes sex, shares your important values, and lives within a time zone of you later in life!
yes, SO MUCH easier to look like you have your shit together in your 30s. the scarcity in this letter is something I wanted to contest because it's so endemic to all first queer relationships no matter how old you are, but you're right that societal messaging that women over 40 are "unfuckable dust" really ups the stakes.
thank you for this invaluable insight <3
Yearning, I definitely recommend the subreddit for late bloomer lesbians if you haven't seen it yet. it's r/latebloomerlesbians and I think it could give you some insight into others similar experiences