I had an ex with some similar traits: explosive anger, jealousy, calling me “disgusting,” insecurity about my past relationships with men, threatening suicide when I left, threatening to ruin my belongings, and once physically pushing me so hard against a wall that it left a mark. We were together for about 4.5 years in my mid-late 20s a…
I had an ex with some similar traits: explosive anger, jealousy, calling me “disgusting,” insecurity about my past relationships with men, threatening suicide when I left, threatening to ruin my belongings, and once physically pushing me so hard against a wall that it left a mark. We were together for about 4.5 years in my mid-late 20s and it was my first serious longterm relationship. I’m glad you had some other relationships that maybe help you to have better perspective on the parts of this one that are unacceptable and harmful. In my experience, she never changed. The abusive behavior started just a few months into our relationship but was fairly infrequent overall (maybe 1x every few months). Then she got a traumatic brain injury and things got much much worse (but frankly they were very bad before that anyway). I begged her to go to therapy to deal with her anger and she never did. I wanted to have children one day and could not fathom exposing them to someone with such volatile anger. I made a plan to get out and it took a few months, but I did. I’m pretty sure by this time she was cheating on me anyway considering she moved in a woman within a few days of me leaving our house (according to Instagram). Driving away from the house when I finally decided to leave gave me intense feelings of relief. She tried to pull me back in in various ways (like threatening to destroy a few boxes of possessions that I was PAYING HER to store in a house I was 50% owner of) but I never went back and have zero regrets. I eventually was able to cut all ties and we live in different states now, which has helped a lot. She tries to still contact me every 1-2 years. She has never apologized in a meaningful way to me and I’ve made peace with that. My advice is this: Get out, don’t give them avenues to contact you while you go to therapy and do some healing, and call it abuse and do your best not to minimize what happened or blame yourself.
I had an ex with some similar traits: explosive anger, jealousy, calling me “disgusting,” insecurity about my past relationships with men, threatening suicide when I left, threatening to ruin my belongings, and once physically pushing me so hard against a wall that it left a mark. We were together for about 4.5 years in my mid-late 20s and it was my first serious longterm relationship. I’m glad you had some other relationships that maybe help you to have better perspective on the parts of this one that are unacceptable and harmful. In my experience, she never changed. The abusive behavior started just a few months into our relationship but was fairly infrequent overall (maybe 1x every few months). Then she got a traumatic brain injury and things got much much worse (but frankly they were very bad before that anyway). I begged her to go to therapy to deal with her anger and she never did. I wanted to have children one day and could not fathom exposing them to someone with such volatile anger. I made a plan to get out and it took a few months, but I did. I’m pretty sure by this time she was cheating on me anyway considering she moved in a woman within a few days of me leaving our house (according to Instagram). Driving away from the house when I finally decided to leave gave me intense feelings of relief. She tried to pull me back in in various ways (like threatening to destroy a few boxes of possessions that I was PAYING HER to store in a house I was 50% owner of) but I never went back and have zero regrets. I eventually was able to cut all ties and we live in different states now, which has helped a lot. She tries to still contact me every 1-2 years. She has never apologized in a meaningful way to me and I’ve made peace with that. My advice is this: Get out, don’t give them avenues to contact you while you go to therapy and do some healing, and call it abuse and do your best not to minimize what happened or blame yourself.