The Ultimatum: Queer Love
DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DOG LIKE SHE'S NOT HERE!!
I received SO MANY requests to write about the new season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love and not only did Netflix deny my request for advanced screeners, they refused to give me access to the press website and photo gallery, so I spent the weekend trying to catch up.
The Ultimatum: Queer Love is a reality dating show where five couples--each consisting of one partner who’s unsure about getting married and one partner who has issued an ultimatum e.g. “We either get married or we’re over!”--break up and begin to date all the other participants. After a few days of dating, the cast members pair off and embark on a trial marriage with a new partner. After 21 days, they do a second trial marriage with their original partner. By the end of the show, they have to decide if they want to get engaged to either their original partner or their trial marriage partner, or if they want to leave the show unattached.
I found the format of The Ultimatum so confusing. Why 21 days? How much time has passed between gatherings? Where even are they? It seems like cast members are allowed to leave and see other friends, but the rules regarding this and other aspects of the experience are never explained. At the same time, I feel like The Ultimatum perfectly captures the paradoxical nature of the two main stereotypes about how lesbians date and form relationships: jumping head-first into something brand-new (also known as U-Hauling), and staying in a toxic relationship with someone you’re fundamentally incompatible with for YEARS. By juxtaposing these oppositional lesbian modes, The Ultimatum creates nuclear-level dyke drama.
If you’re also watching The Ultimatum and have any thoughts, feelings, or insights to share with the class, please leave them in the comments. I’m especially interested in hearing from survivors of queer pet drama on the conflict between Tiff and Sam over Shiloh, the 12-year-old dog who sleeps in the bed.
Quick note: The cast members are both queer cis women and some people I read as non-binary, though the show never actually says how anyone identifies (except Vanessa, who is pansexual), or even what their pronouns are (in order to write this, I had to refer to this article in Variety). I’m going to use “lesbian“ throughout this piece, but I mean it in a non-prescriptive cultural way. Here’s a rundown of all the couples:
Aussie, 42 and Sam, 31
Sam issued the ultimatum after a year and a half of dating. She feels Aussie is her soulmate, while Aussie would prefer to live together for 5 years before taking the next step. Aussie, whose pronouns are “Aussie,” seems to be from Australia. I had a difficult time getting a sense of their relationship. They both seem nice.
