The Ultimatum: Queer Love 2.0
episode 1 and 2 recaps
Can you believe it’s been over 2 years since the series premiere of The Ultimatum: Queer Love? I can. In 2023, I lived in Boston lol. Anyways, season 2 dropped this week. I’m 3 episodes in and I feel like the heterosexuals at Netflix read my recaps because the vibes are fun and less sterile. There’s sex, pets, and specific human emotions. Whereas season one was set in an extended-stay hotel in a nondescript city (it was San Diego but you had to really squint), this season is set in Miami in a similar kind of residential hotel except this time, each room is decorated to look different and we get interstitial shots of Miami for flavor.
One thing that hasn’t changed, however, is that once again, Netflix did not grant my request for advance screeners. This means I couldn’t start recapping until the season dropped on Wednesday. Rest assured over the next few days I will be watching, writing, processing, and sending out recaps as fast as I can. In the meantime, I opened up a TV Dinner chat room where we can share thoughts, feelings, and insights in real time. Come hang out :)
What’s an Ultimatum Queer Love?
For those unaware, The Ultimatum: Queer Love is a reality dating show about 6 queer couples who face a similar problem: one partner wants to get married and the other does not, and the partner who wants to get married has issued an ultimatum, i.e. “We either get married or I’m leaving you!” In order to solve this dilemma, each couple “breaks up” and begins to date all the other participants. After a few days of dating, the cast members pair off and embark on a 3-week trial marriage with a new partner. Then they return to their original partner for a second 3-week trial marriage. At the end of the show, the cast members must decide if they want to leave Miami engaged to their original partner, engaged to their trial partner, or alone. The first season of this show was a wild mess that ended in a truly upsetting reunion episode which included lots of crying and an accusation of intimate partner violence in one of the original couples. I recapped the whole season here if you want to catch up.
Who’s who in season 2
Marie and Mel (both 27, together for 4 years to the day) - Marie issued The Ultimatum
Marie is an L Word superfan who wants to start a family. Mel is a chronically ill LHB who fears that if she got married and had kids, she would only find a way to fuck it all up. They run a food truck together in Orlando. The food truck shares an anniversary with their relationship. (It’s unclear how this co-anniversary happened but it seems like it’s Mel’s business and maybe they fucked the first day the food truck was open? Or possibly they started dating and opened a food truck exactly a year later??) With the relationship and the family business on the line, Marie wonders if she’ll have to get a different job if they break up. It sounds like there’s a lot of tension around running a business together—not only are they together all day every day, the food truck is Mel’s dream and Marie feels like her own goals and aspirations have taken a backseat.
Haley and Pilar (both 29, together for 10 years) - Haley issued The Ultimatum
Haley and Pilar are wholesome, down-to-earth femmes. They met when they were 18 and have been together ever since. They were each other’s first gay experience, and also--I think it’s safe to assume--first and only serious adult relationship. Pilar hid the relationship and her sexuality from her family for 8 years and when she finally came out, her mom stopped speaking to her. She does not think her parents would attend her gay wedding and feels guilty that she can’t give Haley a traditional ceremony with family involvement. I suspect Pilar has other hesitations, but this is the story she tells the camera.
AJ and Britney (28 and 27, together for 5 years) - Britney issued The Ultimatum
AJ is a butch and former radio personality from Orlando, FL who likes to make women feel beautiful. Britney is a registered nurse and entrepreneur who I would trust implicitly with my life. AJ says that Britney is extremely beautiful (she is!! they both are!!) and that the stars try to combust trying to compete with her sparkling eyes. Britney says she wants to get married because she’s, “always been an extremely goal-oriented person and I'm at the point where I’ve met most of them.” It’s not clear if she wants to marry AJ specifically, or just get married.
Right off the bat, a narrative emerges that Britney is extremely accomplished and successful--she’s an entrepreneur, owns her own business and the house they live in, seems to have multiple degrees--and AJ is not. AJ spins this into wanting to be better to fully deserve Britney’s hand in marriage, while Britney doesn’t understand why AJ doesn’t want to “lock all this down.”
Kyle and Bridget (30 and 29, together for 2.5 years) - Kyle issued The Ultimatum
Kyle and Bridget both use she/they pronouns and look like elves who dress cool. They met on a dating app and their first date lasted an entire week. Kyle has always wanted to get married. She wants to show her family how much she loves Bridget. Bridget, however, does not share these priorities. She’s already fully committed to Kyle and doesn’t understand what getting married would change.
Ashley and Marita (30 and 25, together for 3 years) - Ashley issued The Ultimatum
Ashley is a practical soft butch who works as an account manager. Marita is a chaotic femme with “wandering eyes.” This is the couple that seems the most doomed—in their initial interviews, Marita is salivating at the opportunity to date new people and Ashley looks like she’d rather be making home brew in her garage.
Dayna and Magan (25 and 27, together for 1.5 years ohh no) - Dayna issued The Ultimatum
Dayna has a Wisconsin bod and butterfly foot tattoo. Magan wears sweater vests as shirts and has a butch top knot. Dayna sees marriage as “security” and was ready to marry Magan after 6 months of dating, but it really seems like she’s just looking to get married just to get married and doesn’t actually care about Magan as a person. ”If someone’s not willing to give you something and someone else is, who wouldn’t take that offer instead?” Uhhhh…
Magan does not want to be on this show and begs Dayna to reconsider. I get the sense this is her first queer relationship and she thinks this is normal/ it’s going well? Like Pilar, her family is homophobic and she’s not able to be out to them. Dayna is not sensitive to this; she thinks Magan should just stand up to her family and “demand respect.“
Joanna Garcia Swisher (straight)
Host.
Episode 1: We open on the cast members gathering around a large dining room table set with aluminum stemware. The room is filled with verdant greenery and flickering candles. The couples introduce themselves. We learn who is an ultimatum giver, who’s an ultimatum receiver, and WHY. Pilar shares that she’s estranged from her family-of-origin, and straight host JoAnna Garcia Swisher (JGS from here on out) says that she recently lost her parents and what carried her through was the family she created with her husband and kids. This is probably not comforting to Pilar, who is on a reality dating show for lesbians in failing relationships.
“I believe in love in every form,“ says JGS.
“Thank you,“ says Britney.
Then JGS explains the rules of The Ultimatum and passes around a tray of engagement rings for the cast members to propose with at the end of the show. “Take a deep breath,“ she says. “Your lives may forever be changed by this experience.“
The couples depart to spend their last night together as partners. Tomorrow they will “break up” and start dating amongst the cast. Ashley and Marita go back to their room and have the most stressful conversation I’ve ever heard in my life (it doesn’t help that Marita’s face is filmed downwards at close range for some reason). Marita says that the relationship makes her feel empty because she’s not getting the love that she needs. She needs more romance from Ashley, who feels that she’s doing everything she can. Marita is doing that soft, high-pitched voice and nodding combination that girls do when they’re reallllly pulling their punches. She’s also not providing any examples of what romance is and means, or what Ashley could actually do. Later in this episode, she says that she once wrote a 98-page story about their relationship. Presumably Ashley did not reciprocate.
Over in a bed made out of seatbelts, AJ and Britney are holding hands. “Do you think you could fall for someone else?“ asks Britney. AJ says nothing, just looks super sad. “I brought you here to lose you to hopefully gain you forever,“ says Britney.
The next day, it’s time for swimsuit speed dating on the beach. H-O-T-T-O-G-O plays and wow, I can’t believe this show had Chappell in the budget. Every cast member goes on a date with every other cast member. I do really like watching the butch4butch dates on this show, though the emerging relationships are exclusively butch-femme. In true dyke fashion, everyone is leading with their exes and what went wrong with their past relationships. As I’ve written before, this show creates drama by combining the opposite poles of lesbian toxic relationships: U-Haul culture and staying in a painful, mismatched relationship forever until someone cheats. In a brutal policy continuation from last season, the cast members must refer to their original partners as “exes.” Some cast members *cough cough AJ, Marita, and Dayna* seem IMMEDIATELY comfortable with the new terminology. Also everyone can see everyone else’s date, so every conversation includes a lot of not-very-subtle peeking at what their “exes” are up to.
Free of Ashley, Marita is having the time of her life. She’s telling her dates that romance is a big requirement for her because she goes over the top. When pressed for an example, she clarifies that she means high-concept dates, specifically scavenger hunts. Marie is like, “I’m not going to plan a scavenger hunt, sorry.“ Dayna also hears that and is like, “I’m not that kind of person.“ AJ, meanwhile, reveals that she’s an MC and describes a date she planned where she hired an R&B singer to cover one of her songs that “melts” Britney on the date where she asked Britney to be her girlfriend, then scurried off to prep a hotel room with “bath running, petals, music, all of that.” Marita has never been more turned on than hearing AJ describe this date.
Dayna is also having a VERY GOOD TIME. As much as I want her to have fun, she’s telling her dates about Magan’s struggles with internalized and familial homophobia in a way that feels very cruel and dismissive. I love her bikini, though.
Unsurprisingly, Magan is not having fun at all. She’s close to tears. In what seems to be her only successful conversation of the day, she and Pilar talk about their respective homophobic families, and their feelings of shame around the publicness of a wedding. I hope these two get therapy, if they aren’t already!!
Nobody, however, is having a better time than AJ. She’s complimenting eyes (this seems shady after her bananas comments about Britney’s eyes outshining the stars the night before) and promising to support her date’s dreams and foster transformative love. She’s forging connections with all the femmes and I’m already worried what will happen when she has to pick one for the trial marriage. You can see Marie is a little taken aback by her palaver, but Marita, Dayna, and Bridget are al grooving on it.
Mel, meanwhile, is channelling a less successful version of AJ and quickly introducing physical touch into her dates. Britney seems pretty into it!
Later that night, everyone meets for drinks in a dark, Netflix-produced bar. You can see old jealousies between original couples, as well as new jealousies between the cast members who hit it off at swimsuit dating. Mel puts her arm around Britney while Marie frowns from across the room. AJ and Marita flirt in a pair of wicker chairs across from their glowering exes.
“I think you’re a challenge but I’m up for the challenge,” Mel says to Dayna. This is good representation for lesbians being forthright, but also this cast has big 27-year-old energy (no offense to the 27-year-old community) and I want everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously.
Magan cries at the cocktail hour and again, back in the hotel room. She tells Dayna that she doesn’t want to do this and is worried that the trial marriage could include sex. Dayna is just like, “Aw babe, this is hard for me too but I am going to cheat on you.” I hate how Dayna is framing this as like, an immutable part of the trial marriage and not Magan having an extremely normal and common relationship boundary and her being like, “No.“
Episode 2: The dating continues! AJ goes into every date hollering her date’s name. She tells Marita she wants to “seduce her mind,” then promises to help her rediscover her dream to become a pop star, which it seems like Marita abandoned as a literal 13-year-old (“I used to be super creative and now I’m in sales!”) On all her dates, AJ continually goes beyond flirting to make express promises about what kind of LIFE PARTNER she’ll be to her trial wife.
Pilar has nice dates with both Kyle and Bridget. I really feel like these three are class act cuties, but especially Kyle. Both Kyle and Bridget seem to really like Pilar and also each of them says that she’d be a good match for their ex and encourages her to get to know them better. Bridget and Pilar are both creative and want to learn how to blow glass. Cute!
Mel is torn between every femme on this show, but especially Britney and Dayna. On her date with Britney, she reveals that she almost died at birth, has chronic health issues, and might get increasingly sick/die at a young age. Disability enters the chat, as she does. Then Mel goes out with Dayna and asks if she’s a top or a bottom. Dayna says “vers” and Mel predictably comments on Dayna’s long-ass nails. She reveals that Magan talked her into getting acrylic nails for the first time in years in order to sabotage her chances of having sex. Reader, I dropped my Klondike Bar.
The dykes go to a bar, where AJ continues to write emotional checks her ass can’t cash. She tells Marie that they have so much to learn from each other. Say what you want about AJ, but she is corny. In other news, Magan is finally having fun and heading into a trial marriage with Haley!! I think she will benefit from Haley’s available, stable energy. I’m so relieved. Kyle and Pilar are also heading in the direction of a trial marriage. It’s interesting that so many of the ultimatum givers are ending up with ultimatum receivers, and vice versa.
Dayna confronts Mel for ignoring her in group settings. She feels like Mel is flirting with Britney and says, “Don’t waste my time. I will run your food truck into the river.“ I screamed! It really seems like Dayna has some attachment wounds that cause her to test and needle at her partners because she’s afraid that they’ll hurt her and she wants to land the first blow.
Next, Magan pulls AJ into a butch huddle where she’s like, Mel is way too flirty and handsy with my girl, and it seems like she’s eager to cross lines. AJ agrees and says that she’s been having similar thoughts re: Mel sniffing around Britney. This is wild coming from AJ, who has just told Marita that she thinks that if they got together it would be “explosive”! Explosive!!
Later, Marita confides in Bridget that she’s been “dating AJ” and tells her about some of the wild promises that AJ has made to her. Bridget looks mad, given that AJ had said similar things to her during their dates. Ashley has also been seeing the sparks flying between Marita and AJ and is looking stressed out. But it’s also like, you said yourself that Marita has “wandering eyes.” After Bridget and Marita talk, Bridget is obviously turned off by AJ’s bullshit, and senses that Pilar and Kyle will couple up — so she locks down poor, quiet Ashley as a backup option. I don’t know that these two have ever spoken, and it honestly seems like Bridget just thinks that Ashley will be an inoffensive roommate for a couple of weeks??
At long last, it’s the night of The Choice. It’s time for everyone to pair off into trial marriages. JGS struts into the conference room and says, “Did I miss a lot?“ and everyone chuckles gloomily. These dykes have been to hell and back, and it’s only episode 2.
Right off the bat, JGS beckons Bridget to speak and she calls AJ out for “manufactured confidence“ and making outsized promises to too many girls. AJ is like, it’s not my fault that I’m compatible with everyone here!! And then Britney, who is wearing a dress that is both off-the-shoulder and long-sleeved, chimes in to say that she’s not surprised to hear any of this about AJ. Her energy is disgruntled, like she’s realizing this is who her partner is and she’s not going to change.
Marita and Marie both choose AJ and the tension is real, but before AJ can choose, the episode ENDS and I had to go prune my tomato plants to diffuse some tension.
I usually end these recaps with my predictions, but I’m going to hold off until I watch the next few episodes. At this point, I truly don’t know. Has anyone in Orlando been to Mel and Marie’s food truck??
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If you’re also watching The Ultimatum and have any thoughts, feelings, or insights to share with the class, please join us in the subscriber chat room :)
The Ultimatum: Queer Love
I received SO MANY requests to write about the new season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love and not only did Netflix deny my request for advanced screeners, they refused to give me access to the press website and photo gallery, so I spent the weekend trying to catch up.
-obvious, but: kyle, Pilar, and Bridget should just have a threesome
-when Pilar and Magan were talking I was like this convo is great but it would be better if it was happening in a group therapy session
-the butch huddle killlleddddd meeee
-Marita really freaks me out, man
One thing as a community I think we need to address is the sheer volume of nose rings among us, also represented on season 2.