TV Dinner Diary is a casual log of everything I’m eating, watching, and doing. It’s loosely based off The Grub Street Diet feature in NY Mag.
If you missed the first two Dinner Diaries, you can read the the first and second installation at your leisure :) xo, Maddy
Saturday, March 11th
I wake up, walk the dogs, and have coffee and peanut butter toast for breakfast. If you eat peanut butter and have dogs who also eat peanut butter, I really recommend keeping a jar for humans and one for dogs. It’s just a more civilized way to live. My girlfriend came up with this solution and I love not worrying dog germs on my morning toast.
I was gone last week and am behind on all my work, so I lay in bed and look at Elvis memorabilia on Goodwill.com. Growing up, I spent a lot of time at my grandma’s house surrounded by her collection of Elvis dolls. My grandma spent her entire life taking care of other people. She was pathologically frugal and routinely went through my family’s trash and pulled out things she thought didn’t belong there: lightly expired food, clothes that could be mended, cans and other redeemables. She never learned to drive and carried a plastic-lined purse to buffets. At the same time, she was super horny for Elvis and once went on a seniors bus trip to Graceland. It was just an extravagance that didn’t fit with the rest of her personality. She even had an Elvis teddy bear on her bed. She died of kidney cancer when I was in 9th grade and I recently decided I should get an Elvis thing for my house to memorialize her. Maybe a cool plate shaped like a guitar? A figurine of a dog with Elvis hair? I don’t find anything, but it is nonetheless calming to look at weird stuff for sale online. I’ve never actually bought anything from Goodwill dot com, but the prices are mostly normal and a lot of items are interesting, so it scratches a certain itch.
Next, I answer emails and write until it’s time for my electrolysis appointment. I have a mustache and chin hair and I hate it, so my fate is to be zapped. This is actually my second round of electrolysis treatments. The first was over a decade ago, when I was 19. I am easily 20x hairier now and the hairs have not only returned, they have radicalized to be thicker and more assertive. This electrologist is real intense. She’s always pointing out my blackheads and acne scars and I know it’s her job to make me feel bad about myself to push microneedling facials and face creams and the like, but I don’t need to hear that I have a hormonal imbalance based on like, acne and hair that are almost certainly genetic. Anyways, before this I was doing laser hair removal with an extremely nice lady who kept unlimited Nespresso and Russian chocolates in the waiting room. Laser was cheaper and less painful but it only works on dark hairs, so here I am, hanging off the edge of a massage table getting my follicles lightly electrocuted.
After my appointment, I steel myself for an afternoon of errands with a steak burrito from Los Amigos. It tastes stale and as loyal as I am to this regional chain of fast casual Mexican restaurants, this is my third bad burrito in a row. I resolve to find a new lunch spot.
I return home that evening with a deep, primordial longing for Texas Roadhouse.