who is the most evil Real Housewife of New York?
"Everyone needs to take a humor class or go to a comedy workshop."
This episode of Jenna Lyons’s RHONY is called “Naughty-ical by Nature.” We’re still in Anguilla at Sai’s majestic rental villa and by this point, this girls trip is so draaaaaagged out and I’m bored. Will this episode bring new storylines and intra-wife conflict? Probably not, but it’s a new day, the wives are convening for breakfast, and anything could happen. On the marble kitchen countertop, someone has spelled out the word HOES in breadsticks (???) Out on the deck, overlooking the crystalline blue ocean, Erin follows along to a HIIT workout on her iPad. Brynn steps out with a glass of celery juice.
“Is that celery juice? You must know the key to my heart is bringing me celery juice in the morning,“ says Erin.
Brynn brandishes a celery stalk and licks it. “I didn’t know if you wanted the stalk as well.“
“Ha! Ha! You eat the stalk. I’ll have the juice.“
Brynn did not attend dinner the previous night, so Erin fills her in on the drama. Are these two friends now, or are they merely forming a temporary alliance? They seem to have totally moved past their own conflict from the past couple of episodes. Is true forgiveness possible? Can you ever step into the same river twice? Does God stay in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?
During a series of flashbacks to the dinner in question, the gals do in fact drum up some new intrigue: Jessel and Sai get in a huge fight. Jessel, pressured by the other women to share more about her past, says that she grew up with NOTHING and has NEVER received help from her family… but also that her parents paid her college tuition. Sai, an Al-Anon babe who was raised in actual poverty, rightly calls her out. Jessel responds that her parents didn’t want her to move to New York, so she had to live with her uncle for two years while she worked a lowly, underpaid fashion internship. Sai starts yelling at Jessel and basically saying that her struggle is fake—Jessel may have only had $20, while Sai had NEGATIVE MONEY and LIVED HER LIFE IN OVERDRAFT.
Sai is trying to say that privilege is more than the literal money in your bank account, immigrant experiences vary so much, and being broke as a 22-year-old is not the same as pulling yourself up from “nothing.“ Jessel is misunderstanding Sai’s accusations of “privilege“ as though Sai is saying, “You are a bad person who has never worked a day in your life.“ I know this fight is edited for drama but as a lesbian, all this conflict without communication was super stressful and grating to watch. Obviously, starting off your adulthood with free housing and no student loan debt is a pretty solid leg-up. Also, it’s extremely difficult to break into creative industries without connections and the ability to work for free (this is why there are so few working class writers, artists, and cultural workers). It’s a big deal that Jessel has a famous fashion photographer for an uncle. Unfortunately, Sai never actually says any of this and at the end of dinner, Jessel is left feeling defensive and on edge. She enlists Ubah for support. Ubah, who remains inscrutable, seems happy to team up with Jessel for this round of meaningless fighting.
The following morning, the wives awake and dine on french toast and fruit salad prepared by private chefs. Ubah and Jessel are roommates—Ubah accusses Jessel of snoring, which Jessel denies. As proof, Ubah plays a video of Jessel snoring. In a Trumpian way that honestly suits her, Jessel maintains that she doesn’t snore over the audio of herself loudly snoring.
Next, Brynn expresses that she has a crush on JL and absolutely no one takes her seriously. I have Judgements™️ about this, but JL seems flattered and happy to play along so I’ll keep them to myself. She and Brynn pretend to be getting married a few times and JL says Brynn needs to sign a prenup, which I thought was very funny. JL is so funny!! Also, kinda hot to see a rich older butch/trophy femme fantasy--our community’s most elusive unicorn--in the flesh.
After breakfast, the wives get on a boat. Erin ominously says that since Ubah pushed her into the pool yesterday, she’s going to get Ubah back. A sea turtle drifts past, blissfully unaware of the wives and their tedium.
Sai and Erin revive their anti-Jessel campaign. Erin mockingly asks Jessel if her childhood was so terrible—as if growing up poor automatically denotes neglect and abuse. Then Sai criticizes Jessel for talking about her parents’ emigration from Kenya to the UK instead of sharing information about herself. This is weird and petty thing to complain about but in context, it did seem like Jessel was reaching for an appropriately sad story and landed on being a child of immigrants who is herself, an immigrant.
JL looks miserable during this and every fight in this episode. She serenely asks Erin, “Why does this bother you so much?“ Erin replies, “Because it’s inauthentic!“ At this point, Erin retains her title as the most evil wife, followed by Sai. Jessel is annoying and clueless, but it’s hard not to feel a little bad for her here.
At dinner, Brynn shares her #1 blowjob tip (pretending to choke on it) and demonstrates with her straw.
Next, the wives tell their most embarrassing stories. Does anyone remember the Traumarama section in Seventeen (”one time in gym class, I tripped over my crush and everyone saw my panties!”)? This is a lot like that. Sai shit herself at a high school track meet. Ubah had toilet paper on her shoe. JL fell down a flight of stairs in front of Ralph Fiennes, who is one of her favorite actors. Brynn says that the first time she got her period, she tried to use a tampon and accidentally inserted it into her butthole. This doesn’t seem possible but as a feminist, I believe women. Jessel shares a 100% rich kid story about partying in Cabo during spring break and accidentally flashing an entire night club. Erin’s most embarrassing story is that she was on a plane and her infant son wouldn’t stop crying. Everyone judges her for not sharing something more extreme, which is so RHONY.
In the car back to the villa, Ubah leaves her phone in the back seat. Erin intercepts it and doesn’t give it back to her for like an hour, which is her idea of a “prank.” An hour is not a long time. Still, I cannot think of something less funny to do to someone whilst travelling—maybe hiding their wallet? Oh my God.
Sai pushes Ubah into a pool for no reason. There is a whole thing where Ubah learns about Erin’s “prank“ and acts salty towards her. Erin expresses a lot of fear about this, and yes, it does come across as racist. The episode ends with Erin telling Ubah not to say her name when she’s not in the room, which is nuts. Then Ubah snatches Erin’s sunglasses and says, “Don’t wear these when you’re talking to me“!? Yiiiiikes.
Other Thoughts:
It’s so funny when Sai says she doesn’t run anymore because she has bad knees and Brynn makes a blowjob face. Brynn has so many blowjob faces!!
The way this chef is all over Ubah.
Taking a video of someone sleeping is wretch behavior.
Here is my ranking of RHONY wives from EVIL to run-of-the-mill capitalist with an eyelash company to promote: Erin, Sai, Jessel, Ubah, Brynn, and Jenna Lyons.
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i really don't know what to think of the brynn / JL flirtation - it felt p natural yet also made me instinctively cringe waiting for the shoe of "ew i wasn't SERIOUS you LESBIAN" to drop.....i don't think that would actually happen but will still be anticipating it and isn't that fun!!
also loved traumarama, i did not subscribe to any of the teen girl magazines but would enjoy reading them at the library and getting a peek into popular straight girl world. my entry would be my first week of high school when i did a comedy prat fall slipping on a prune in front of all these older kids and then walked around with the prune on my butt for hours after.
Welp, turns out I cannot actually stomach this show. The bickering stresses me out. However, your recaps delight and entertain me! I can imagine what I need to based on your descriptions, and I still LOL while reading, despite my ignorance re:the show itself. Thank you for your service.
My traumarama moment would be coming into a nighttime highschool event and sitting down next to my crush (cross legged, on the floor) and both of us gradually realizing that my shoe was covered in dog shit I had stepped in on my way there. 😭