I would only write the email if you’re comfortable with it being quoted, screenshotted, and shared widely with anyone your friend perceives as on their side. Have an editor. Have SEVERAL editors. Make sure individual phrases and sentences can’t be wildly taken out of context.
Personally, I would recommend an in-person talk where you frame it as concern for your friend’s interpersonal strife not matching their values, like Maddy said re: activist scholars. I would also plainly disclose that it’s making your friendship difficult. However, I would use a variation of the gray rock method in this discussion. The gray rock method, if you haven’t heard about it (you probably have), is to become as emotionally unresponsive and uninteresting as possible. It was originally developed to deal with narcissists, which is a group of people who also often get energy from chaotic interpersonal dysfunction. (Not saying your friend is a narcissist, by the way.) In this context, I mean that you should be as plain-spoken, factual, and unemotional as possible. You know this friend pretty well, so you know what riles them up: don’t give them that.
My most sincere good luck to you, LW! This is a tough situation.
Ooof, I forgot about queer screenshot culture. I think if someone is gonna distort your words, they're gonna distort your words no matter what and at the point that this friend is taking a heartfelt email and showing it to others in a smear campaign...the LW should definitely walk away from the friendship for good. Good point though that the LW might private things to share, they should expect that their email will be screenshotted and seen by others.
I would only write the email if you’re comfortable with it being quoted, screenshotted, and shared widely with anyone your friend perceives as on their side. Have an editor. Have SEVERAL editors. Make sure individual phrases and sentences can’t be wildly taken out of context.
Personally, I would recommend an in-person talk where you frame it as concern for your friend’s interpersonal strife not matching their values, like Maddy said re: activist scholars. I would also plainly disclose that it’s making your friendship difficult. However, I would use a variation of the gray rock method in this discussion. The gray rock method, if you haven’t heard about it (you probably have), is to become as emotionally unresponsive and uninteresting as possible. It was originally developed to deal with narcissists, which is a group of people who also often get energy from chaotic interpersonal dysfunction. (Not saying your friend is a narcissist, by the way.) In this context, I mean that you should be as plain-spoken, factual, and unemotional as possible. You know this friend pretty well, so you know what riles them up: don’t give them that.
My most sincere good luck to you, LW! This is a tough situation.
Ooof, I forgot about queer screenshot culture. I think if someone is gonna distort your words, they're gonna distort your words no matter what and at the point that this friend is taking a heartfelt email and showing it to others in a smear campaign...the LW should definitely walk away from the friendship for good. Good point though that the LW might private things to share, they should expect that their email will be screenshotted and seen by others.