This is such a good answer! It's so interesting how romance seems to be so difficult to define, isn't it?! I also find it impossible to disentangle having romantic feelings for someone from being sexually attracted. I don't want sex without romance and I don't want romance without sex 🤷🏼♀️ I don't have a casual bone in my body!
As someone who is 4+ years into being polyamorous and just starting to feel like less of a newb and more experienced: first off, thank you for emphasizing the difference between being polyamorous and having a casual relationship. Polyamory is about multiple loving, committed, potentially long-term romantic relationships. I do see people misusing it to mean non-monogamy more broadly which is frustrating to me since I'm such a romantic and it's a core part of my polyamory. ANYWAY, the question I would ask the letter writer is: would those feelings of jealousy be so strong if they DID tell you they they had romantic feelings for you? It's possible that they would be, and that really is a normal growing pain when starting out with polyamory. But jealousy is often coming from an unmet need - perhaps your need to have your romantic feelings reciprocated?! Which totally makes sense and is how I would feel too! Anyway this stream of consciousness is getting much too long for a comment, but I hope it gives the letter writer some food for thought! Good luck!! 🫶
A classic, this one! Though this doesn’t strike me as a poly dynamic—it’s more like a friends with benefits ENM dynamic in which Spiralling wants more. It sounds like Spiralling wants to be desired romantically in a way that would bely a casual sexual relationship with a friend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that desire, but it sounds like they will need to look for it to be met elsewhere, whether that’s in a poly or monogamous dynamic with, as you say, “guardrails” aka a shared preference for moving slowly and maintaining difference rather than becoming enmeshed.
This is such a good answer! It's so interesting how romance seems to be so difficult to define, isn't it?! I also find it impossible to disentangle having romantic feelings for someone from being sexually attracted. I don't want sex without romance and I don't want romance without sex 🤷🏼♀️ I don't have a casual bone in my body!
As someone who is 4+ years into being polyamorous and just starting to feel like less of a newb and more experienced: first off, thank you for emphasizing the difference between being polyamorous and having a casual relationship. Polyamory is about multiple loving, committed, potentially long-term romantic relationships. I do see people misusing it to mean non-monogamy more broadly which is frustrating to me since I'm such a romantic and it's a core part of my polyamory. ANYWAY, the question I would ask the letter writer is: would those feelings of jealousy be so strong if they DID tell you they they had romantic feelings for you? It's possible that they would be, and that really is a normal growing pain when starting out with polyamory. But jealousy is often coming from an unmet need - perhaps your need to have your romantic feelings reciprocated?! Which totally makes sense and is how I would feel too! Anyway this stream of consciousness is getting much too long for a comment, but I hope it gives the letter writer some food for thought! Good luck!! 🫶
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A classic, this one! Though this doesn’t strike me as a poly dynamic—it’s more like a friends with benefits ENM dynamic in which Spiralling wants more. It sounds like Spiralling wants to be desired romantically in a way that would bely a casual sexual relationship with a friend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that desire, but it sounds like they will need to look for it to be met elsewhere, whether that’s in a poly or monogamous dynamic with, as you say, “guardrails” aka a shared preference for moving slowly and maintaining difference rather than becoming enmeshed.