“By the time I was 24, I was jacking off on a regular basis and supporting myself financially.” Ah, the American dream!!!
In all seriousness, this is great advice, and I REALLY liked Julia Golda Harris’s addition! The planner didn’t meticulously plan their passive partner’s exodus to this new state? Hm! Something to ponder.
Also, idk the genders of anyone involved, & it doesn’t matter at all because this can happen to anyone, but why be queer if you’re just going to participate in an overworked woman/mother surrogate and useless man dynamic??? Go be gayer!!!
your advice always feels so refreshing and grounding. as someone who struggles w/ staying in manipulative and unhappy relationships, even when the writers' problem isn't relatable to me personally the way you interpret and lay clear relationship dynamics is SO helpful and so well thought and always gives me some perspective. sending some appreciation ur way as i navigate my own breakup (partially inspired by you , along with friends, therapist, lol) and trying to be more thoughtful about relationships!!
thank you so much for this comment. it really means a lot that you read this column and find it useful. i'm sorry you're going through a breakup right now--still rough even if it's the right choice xoxoxoxo <3
bangin advice as always, maddy <3 one additional thought i had: letter writer, I wonder if you will eventually come to see your cross-country move as a (subconscious?) attempt to test and/or leave this relationship. after all, you moved solo across the country with no plan in place for your partner to follow, and you describe them as fundamentally struggling to enact change or take initiative in their life since you've known them. seems like this breakup is in many ways a predictable outcome of your move, and that's okay!! as maddy said, in many ways you are already essentially broken up, and i bet that once you make it official, you will be sad but feel a deep sense of relief.
Yes totally. I do receive a lot of questions that describe this exact scenario of like, one partner moving on their own (sometimes it's coupled with opening the relationship for the first time, which is a LOT of change at once). I do feel like these are all attempts to functionally break up, without actually ripping off the band-aid. Definitely agree that finally calling it will be a relief, but also bring up some big feelings <3
I’ve been thinking about the perfection of your description of the “gelatinous” young adult years for a week! What a perfect explanation, and you’re spot-on with the age gap stuff too. Also, great advice. You’re the best!
“By the time I was 24, I was jacking off on a regular basis and supporting myself financially.” Ah, the American dream!!!
In all seriousness, this is great advice, and I REALLY liked Julia Golda Harris’s addition! The planner didn’t meticulously plan their passive partner’s exodus to this new state? Hm! Something to ponder.
Also, idk the genders of anyone involved, & it doesn’t matter at all because this can happen to anyone, but why be queer if you’re just going to participate in an overworked woman/mother surrogate and useless man dynamic??? Go be gayer!!!
Hahahahaha the TOUGH LOVE.
your advice always feels so refreshing and grounding. as someone who struggles w/ staying in manipulative and unhappy relationships, even when the writers' problem isn't relatable to me personally the way you interpret and lay clear relationship dynamics is SO helpful and so well thought and always gives me some perspective. sending some appreciation ur way as i navigate my own breakup (partially inspired by you , along with friends, therapist, lol) and trying to be more thoughtful about relationships!!
thank you so much for this comment. it really means a lot that you read this column and find it useful. i'm sorry you're going through a breakup right now--still rough even if it's the right choice xoxoxoxo <3
bangin advice as always, maddy <3 one additional thought i had: letter writer, I wonder if you will eventually come to see your cross-country move as a (subconscious?) attempt to test and/or leave this relationship. after all, you moved solo across the country with no plan in place for your partner to follow, and you describe them as fundamentally struggling to enact change or take initiative in their life since you've known them. seems like this breakup is in many ways a predictable outcome of your move, and that's okay!! as maddy said, in many ways you are already essentially broken up, and i bet that once you make it official, you will be sad but feel a deep sense of relief.
Yes totally. I do receive a lot of questions that describe this exact scenario of like, one partner moving on their own (sometimes it's coupled with opening the relationship for the first time, which is a LOT of change at once). I do feel like these are all attempts to functionally break up, without actually ripping off the band-aid. Definitely agree that finally calling it will be a relief, but also bring up some big feelings <3
for sure. so much empathy for this type of situation ~ ending a long term relationship is scary as fuck
That last paragraph!💥 great advice, as always Maddy.
thank you :')
I’ve been thinking about the perfection of your description of the “gelatinous” young adult years for a week! What a perfect explanation, and you’re spot-on with the age gap stuff too. Also, great advice. You’re the best!