post-op television

what to watch when you're laid up

Today I’m answering two questions from people who are wondering what to watch when they, or their girlfriend, don’t have the juice for anything serious and long.

If you have recs for my girlfriend’s post-FFS recovery we would welcome them!! She’s normally snobby about TV and basically hasn’t seen anything since The Wire aside from some random gay series like The English Teacher.

and

what are some shows for rotting in bed because you’re sick and also despairing about current events? I need something interesting, but not heavy.

I’m always searching for this exact level of TV show—digestible, but not stupid. At least a little queer. Something I can watch for hours on end without getting bored or feeling worse about the world, you know? It’s a tough balance to strike so I put together an incomplete list of shows that match that criteria, at least for me. Let me know in the comments what shows you like to watch when you’re sick, exhausted, or recovering from something big :)

xoxo, Maddy

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The Bisexual (2018, streaming on Hulu)

I really believe The Bisexual is the best show about queer women where queerness is a plot point and major theme (upon writing that, I’m like, what about Work in Progress!? So maybe it’s a tie between The Bisexual, which only has one season, and Work in Progress, which has two.) I rewatch The Bisexual once every 18 months or so and notice something new every time, which is possible because this show is filled with Easter eggs and multi-dimensional minor characters i.e. there’s a butch character and in a flashback episode, we see her an iteration of her as a high femme, ModCloth-wearing burlesque enthusiast and it’s like, what a pipeline!! The Bisexual was created, written, and directed by Desiree Akhavan, who also plays the titular bisexual—Leila, a 30-something Iranian-American who’s identified as a lesbian since college. When her girlfriend of 10 years pushes for marriage and a baby, Leila “takes some space“ from the relationship and begins furtively sleeping with men.

via filmaffinity.com

There’s a real hesitation, even in queer media, to depict specific queer experiences that might go over straight people’s heads, especially when those experiences are endemic to women. The Bisexual trusts its audience enough to deliver the following: lesbian-bisexual relations, a dance night called Aphrodykey, awkward sex scenes between all kinds of people, and characters making big life decisions for shallow reasons, etc. Akhavan is so attuned to how grown-ups find ways to act out and sabotage themselves, and what it’s like to try on a different version of yourself for a new partner and fail miserably. The show is very funny and always makes me feel better when I’m down.

Dyke Central (2010 or thereabouts, Prime)

Do you remember 2010s queer web series culture? There was Broad City, Carmilla, My Drunk Kitchen, and so many more. Dyke Central is probably my favorite of this era and it really brings me back to a simpler time, when Obama was the one deporting people. The show’s title refers to Dyke Central, a house in Oakland shared by two masc friends, Gin and Alex. When their third roommate moves out, Gin rents the room to a bisexual theatremaker named Fabi. In a twist of gay fate, it turns out Alex and Fabi are old flames. It’s obvious that they still have feelings for each other, but they’re both too prideful and avoidant to admit it. It doesn’t help that Alex is dating a controlling bank manager named Jackie. Jackie is the true villain of Dyke Central—she thinks Alex and their friends are too gay and need real jobs. A lot of Dyke Central a cautionary tale about controlling queer relationships, actually, and the show has a strong afterschool special vibe.

You can buy the first season of Dyke Central for $8 on Prime, but there are also two full episodes on YouTube for free. I did a partial rewatch the first season to write this post and man, this show has everything: a rap intro about living in Oakland, a character picking up a dildo and going “hmm“ in a contemplative tone, and the line, “We’re low-frequency lovers. We only meet up once or twice a month.“ It’s endearingly low-budget and sincere, so expect multiple scenes filmed in public parks and lots of acting moments where a character sighs and shrugs their shoulders really big. I also couldn’t figure out when Dyke Central takes place—I kept seeing the years 2015 and 2018 online, but everyone is dressed in ribbed tank tops and business casual outfits that are screaming 2010. Maybe it was shot around the year 2010 and released a few years later?? I’m not sure.

the residents of dyke central via IMDB

The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo (2016, YouTube)

“Len is going bi and he’s looking for a genderfluid courtesan."

Indian Matchmaking (2020-2023, streaming on Netflix)

I love to talk about sex and dating, and I’m nosey about other people’s relationships. Here’s the best thing that can happen to me: I’m at a restaurant, there’s a date happening the table over, and I get to eavesdrop. Despite my love of scuttlebutt, I always feel bored and disappointed watching reality dating shows. Everything from the contestants’ appearances to what they talk about is so boilerplate. I’m thinking specifically of The Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises, but even shows like The Ultimatum: Queer Love remove the contestants from their lives, families, and larger context and put them in these nondescript resorts where their only job is wearing Fashion Nova and having sad, staged dance parties with other cast members. It’s hard for me to trust that anyone is actually single and looking for love, so the stakes are missing. Indian Matchmaking is one of the only reality dating show that scratches my itch for secondhand gossip and details, like when a friend finally calls and tells you what happened on that date they were freaking out about. It’s not always the most exciting story, but it is real.

The show follows Sima, a successful matchmaker from Mumbai, as she meets with clients in India--as well as second generation Indians living in the U.S. and the U.K.--and tries to connect them with a future spouse. There are no queer people on the show, though I wonder about a few cast members. Sima runs a tight ship and unlike mainstream U.S. culture, where we pretend class and societal divisions don’t exist, she always says the quiet part out loud — for example, a lot of the diasporic cast members are acting like they’re so over this, but you can tell they’re at a point where they’ll try anything to find their person, and then Sima says something blunt as hell like, “Well you can’t be too picky because you’re divorced/old/of a lower caste/your dad committed suicide.“ These are also really high-achieving people, generally, and it’s fun to watch them share their big, ambitious ideas for a partner and Sima just like, “You will get 60% of what you want,” or “Looks don’t matter. Why don’t you open a salon if you care about hair so much?”

Many of the cast members on Indian Matchmaking seem like wonderful people, but you can understand how they would have a rough time with unassisted dating i.e. they talk constantly, are super rigid, or are holding out for a fantasy person. There’s a woman in season 3 who you can literally see recoil from affection and another woman who lives with her parents and has severe anxiety about the idea of moving out. And it’s like, well maybe there’s hope in this different approach where the mutual goal is forever and there’s less emphasis on minutiae like your outfit or saying the perfect thing??

The Boyfriend (2024, streaming on Netflix)

Another entry in the “reality dating shows I actually like” category, I watched The Boyfriend this summer and had a great time. The Boyfriend is Japan’s first gay dating show. Nine queer men share a beach house together and take directives from an iPad i.e. choose one other cast member and write them a flirty note. Unlike American reality shows where contestants are left to drink and layabout all day, the boys are tasked with running a mobile coffee shop and managing a limited household budget. They also grocery shop and prepare meals together, which gives the show a wholesome vibe and builds friendship, if not intimacy, between the boys. At certain intervals, the show breaks out into a panel of commentators who discuss each development. I found this actually insightful and interesting. Also whenever the panelists talk about certain cast members, their pictures appear on the bottom of the screen. It’s helpful!! You will not regret watching The Boyfriend.

Honorable mentions: Alone (any season, any country), complicated knitting tutorials on YouTube, The Americans (Liz recommends)